I’m back

It’s been such a long time since I’ve written, that I almost decided to give it up, but seeing as almost no one reads this I guess I can just come back and write a little bit when I feel like it.

So much has happened since I last wrote, most of it good luckily! It was actually nice to reread that last post, and I did follow that new workout regime, and it worked! I lost weight! I was eating great, working out great, my head was on straight most of the time, and it all came together!

Was was going so great, and then I went overseas for 4 weeks. I had a great time, more about that later, but it put me off balance quite badly for when I it came time to getting back into routine, I failed 😦

I don’t know if it was post-holiday blues, or the horrible hay fever that I’ve been battling ever since I got back or what, but I totally struggled to get back into things post holiday.

The thing is, I KNOW WHAT WORKS FOR ME!! I was going so great before I went overseas — and all I have to do is DO IT! Why am I finding it so hard to get back into it? Laziness? Self-sabotage? who knows? It’s all pretty frustrating really 😦 I know this is not a journey or a condition that has an overnight fix, I know that it will take time, and lots and lots of hard work.

I’m back seeing the dietitian since the new year, and going well. My gym buddy and I are trying the Kiwi’s workout from Tim Ferris and his 4-hour body with kettlebells which has been fun. We’ll wait and see how that goes I guess!

Other than that, my holiday totally rocked! My only regret was not taking me husband with me! I went with 3 girlfriends, which was okaaaay, but I missed my boy, and I missed sharing some awesome experiences with him. I organised the entire trip myself, with almost no input from the other girls (yeah, thanks for that!) but it all turned out great. All over the USA – New York City, Niagara Falls, Miami, 7-day Caribbean cruise which went to Jamaica, Grand Cayman and Mexico (we missed out on the Bahamas due to bad weather), then onto New Orleans, Las Vegas + Grand Canyon (where another friend joined us) and then final stop Los Angeles + Disneyland. We did all this in 4 weeks! I am a traveller, I love to travel and have been fortunate enough to see heaps of this crazy world. I always seem to have a trip of some kind in the planning! This one I was planning for about 18 months! It was pretty cheap too, I got my international flights on reward points, and except for spending money and food it was about $4500! That included all our internal flights, accommodation, tours and transfers. I spent a lot of lunch hours and weekends doing research (yes, totally anally retentive!) to get the best experiences and bang for our buck! I have to say, it was such an amazing holiday! So many amazing experiences and places. I’ve posted some pics 🙂

Me at Niagara Falls - they have to be seen & heard to be believed!

One of my all time favourite pieces of artwork that I studied at school!

perched on the edge at the Grand Canyon

Me at Disneyland with my Minnie ears!

I’m already onto organising the next one… we were going to the UK for a friends wedding, but have decided to give it a miss — I need a relaxing holiday this year! We are going back to Vanuatu with some friends instead. We will get our flights for nothing again (love those reward points!) and as we are going as a group, we are going to rent a house, which makes it so cheap for all of us! It has been a really hard choice — my friend that is getting married was probably the first person that befriended me when we moved to Queensland. It’s so hard to move states, and although I’ve done it more times than I care to think about, it’s never easy leaving friends behind and making new ones. I have really struggled to make friends in QLD, I did the first time we lived here too. Although my husband has 8 siblings, 7 of which live here in Brisbane, they are family, not friends, and we didn’t really have much to do with them. It took me a good 8 months (in which time I got married and turned 30) to make friends, and now over 4 years later, I have some wonderful friends, and love it here in QLD. That said, the first 8 months were so lonely and it really got me down a lot. Thank goodness for my hubby, but it’s not the same 😦 Not going to this friends wedding makes me feel like a bad friend, but I am making the choice for my mental health this year. Last years holiday was wonderful, but not very relaxing!!

I also had Christmas and New Year since I last blogged, and I think that topic is for another time. I have a VERY hard relationship with my mother… I love her dearly, but I really struggle to like her a lot of the time. It made Christmas Day and the days before and after very hard. I enjoyed spending the time with my other family and friends, but really? Honestly? I just wanted to be at home, with my hubby & puppies, who are my real family. I missed my 2 fur-babies so much while I was gone, and my little girl was so cranky with me when I got home that she didn’t eat for 3 days 😦 I am a Cancerian, and we are known to be home-bodies.

Ok enough of holidays 🙂

I have rejoined the SWLC (http://soulcystersweightlosschallenge.blogspot.com/) to help keep me motivated, and the support is great. There isn’t a lot of support here in Australia, so their support is great!

I am going to TRY and get back into this blog, I do think it helps. I had a friend do a blog a day for 30 days posting about all sorts of things that were preset topics, I both loved and hated that. I loved it as I got to hear more from her, and learn more about her from the time that we’ve been apart. I loved/hated it as it brought a lot up from the past, some of it hurtful (which kinda sucked around x-mas/nye) but although I was upset by it at the time, it was good to hear. I think it would be good for me to do some self retrospection, and this might be a good way to do it.

Exciting news is I’ve started a new business… I can’t reveal anything yet, but I’m excited about it! It’s my hopeful exit strategy from full time work… well that’s the long term plan anyway! More news to come later!

Ok I think I’ve made up for not blogging for a while… I’ll try to do better!

Cheers

d

wow, and at it again…

WOW, I won the Soul Cysters Weight Loss Challenge (SCWLC)! I’m not quite sure how, but apparently I did!I really didn’t lose that much, only 3.2kg, but apparently it was enough. Congrats to me! I’m not even sure what the prizes are, as I didn’t really pay much attention to them because a) it’s not why I joined the Challenge, and b) I really didn’t think I would be in with a chance to win! I’m also really glad that one of the gals that did the last one, won a chance to be on the new one. She has some pretty major issues in various forms, but always seems to just get through it and soldier on. I really admire her guts and determination. She has just made the decision to stop working and concentrate on her health, and good on her! Her story is here www.fightingpcosnaturally.com. GO LYNNE!!

I’ve been feeling frustrated at not losing weight, and knowing that my head space is a big part of the problem. I’m also feeling down because I had really hoped that I would have lost something for my trip, and with just under 10 weeks to go, I feel no closer to my goal than when I started the SCWLC 3 months ago. I have signed up to do the next one (already started) as I think the group on Facebook has been a great support, as it’s not just about weight loss. It helps me to not feel so alone.

I have written so many posts in my head (mainly while I’m in the shower, as it’s my thinking time) but never actually make it here to write them. Once I finally get time, I’ve mostly got through whatever was bothering me, or forgotten it! lol.

I do know that my last period was the worst I’ve had in 6 months 😦 😦 😦  It was the first time in 6 months (since I started seeing the dietitian) that I had to take a day off work because I couldn’t get out of bed due to the pain. I think I have also had PMT most of the month (I’m not game to ask my endlessly suffering husband!) which is no fun either. I’m 90% certain this is because I fell off the food bandwagon pretty badly there for a few weeks, and I think it was my body’s way of telling me in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t happy.

On a positive note, a few months ago I stumbled across a girl’s blog who is based in Melbourne called www.forwardfitness.com.au Aster has a wonderful and inspirational story, and her posts are so upbeat and inspiring! I have gone back through some of her old posts and read about something really interesting… Is your cardio killing your body shape results? (And not in a good way!) She talks about weight resistance training and the reasons why it’s better for people in particular who have insulin resistance and why cardio doesn’t help to lose weight. I found it very interesting! I have wondered since being diagnosed if being insulin resistant makes a difference to how my body processes exercise etc. I’m not sure what her sources are, but it does makes some sense to me. I’ve decided that seeing as I’m not really getting the results I want, I’m going to change it up and give it a go. I really wish I lived back in Melbourne so I could do PT with her!

Here is what I currently do:
5 sessions a week: 30mins tread climber it is like a treadmill, but has 2 treads and simulates walking through sand… it’s HARD! Then I do 15mins recumbent bike (my back can’t do the normal bike). Then onto either weight machines x6 kinds of 3 sets of 12 reps, or free weights x8 kinds, 2 sets of 12 reps. I alternate these sessions each night to break it up a bit. Then about 15mins in the sauna (my fave!)

Here is what I am going to do (started to night)
not sure how many sessions yet — need to do more research on 48hrs between workouts)
15min tread climber; stretch; 30mins weight machines x6 kinds of 3 sets of 12 reps BUT doing 3 seconds down, 1 second up (as per FF blog advice), it makes a HUGE difference as I discovered tonight! Stretch; Recumbent bike to warm down for 10mins; sauna 10mins.
I’m thinking about getting some PT sessions — more for the planning side of it than anything. The only problem is, well, there are personal trainers… and then there are personal trainers. You never know what you are going to get (kinda like a box of chocolates!) and I haven’t always had the best experiences!Hmmm, will have to think a bit more on that one!

My first session tonight working out this way went really well. It was quite a different experience although using the same equipment. I’m not sure how long it will take to get results, and if I should be giving up my beloved Thursday step class but it’s a start.

OK, I’ve babbled enough. Judging by my past performance, I’ll be back in a month or so 😉

I have downloaded the iPhone app, so maybe I’ll get on there while I’m on the train and post an update, even if it’s a short one 🙂

Cheers

d

progress is happening!

Well it sure has been a while this time! I’ve had so much to say, but no time in which to get fingers onto keyboard. It’s been 6 weeks since my last post — wow, the longest ever. Although I totally suck at keeping up with this, here is a progress report.

I have had such a great week! I got a new job, and I lost weight! What’s not to love!

In my last post I mentioned that I was doing a 6 weeks secondment to another department. Well I loved it so much that I applied for the EOI for the 4.5 month contract… (very) long story short, I got it! Yes I am quite surprised myself! I have thoroughly enjoyed the work environment and the people so far. There is a bit of office politics going on around me, but as I’m new, I just play dumb and don’t buy into it. I wonder how long I can keep that up! I am working on my own and it’s great to be able to dictate what my day is going to be like, rather than being so reactive all the time. I love (most) of my old clients, but these ones are largely undemanding and have been uber impressed with my work so far. That means more in my profession than most, as Graphic Design can be so personally opinion based that it is painful!!! The girl I am taking over from (one of my friends) had been there for 8.5 years, and while I adore her, I think her being in the same place so long on her own has stunted her design and technical skills a bit. There’s nothing technically wrong with the way she has done things and I know that everyone works differently, but some things just make me shake my head in wonder! From the reaction of the clients it also seems that perhaps she was a little jaded and just didn’t feel like always making an effort anymore. If I’d been somewhere 8.5 years I’d probably feel the same way so I actually feel a bit of pity for her!

It was a very complicated and somewhat painful recruitment process as one of my BFFs (who I was bridesmaid for late last year & is also a GDesigner) also applied for the job. I felt betrayed by her applying, although I could completely understand why she did. She’d just been made redundant and been given 6 weeks notice, and felt that she had to apply for everything out there — which I get! My side of the story is that while I wasn’t even looking to make a move from the job I was in, this opportunity presented itself, and I sure wasn’t going to pass it by. She knew my feelings about the job once I’d started temporarily there and knew I had full intention of going for it. It all got a bit messy as she also got an interview as well. I was really torn! I really wanted the job, but knew that I had REALLY tough competition and it was hard seeing her upset a lot of the time demoralised from job interviews and rejections. In the end I got it, and amazing news today — a designer is leaving where she got made redundant from and she has negotiated a higher pay rate to stay there! Everyone wins in the end, but it has been a scary couple of weeks. I really wanted this job, but I also really love my friend 😦

On a happier note, I have finally lost some weight!!!!! OMG, it has been such a struggle since I first started this journey over 3 years ago 😦 Sometimes I just feel so despondant and that no one understands and dealing with symptoms of PCOS and all the shite that goes along with it 😦 😦 😦 (blah, blah, blah, I could go on forever!)

I have been seeing my dietitian regularly, and she has been really supportive (skinny bitch of course, but then no one wants a fat dietitian do they!?). It’s taken a while to get going but 2 weeks ago when I weighed in, I’d lost 1.6kg (3.5 pounds) and today I had lost 3kg (6.6 pounds)! That is by far, the most weight I have lost this entire time! I had also been interstate for 2 of those weekends so didn’t have as much control over my food as I would have liked (but tried not to beat myself up about it) but I think I made better food choices than I would have in the past. It seems that my 1100 calories per day balanced food diet is working! I was on a no-carb diet for 18 months, and all did was get bigger, and bigger and then even bigger! I think changing jobs has given me a less stressful working life; (and less morning teas — although on a side note, even though I would sit there and only eat my apple 90% of the time, I seemed to absorb the bloody calories and fat of whatever was on the table JUST BY BEING NEAR IT!) and I have more control over making & taking care of my own food at the new job. The dietitian also wants to start to reintroduce cows milk, but without lactose. We’ll see how it goes 🙂

I have also been hitting the gym — BIGTIME!! I’ve done x4 weekly visits for the past 5 weeks (again, even being interstate for 2 weekends). This week will be x6 visits, and although losing the weight is great — I’m actually hitting the gym to get my metabolism going, rather than just the weight loss. It seems that the regular movement really helps get sugar levels and insulin levels, well leveled out! 🙂 I’ve been feeling exhausted this week, until today! It’s amazing how a small weight loss can help along the motivation — being Friday tomorrow with a completely free weekend helps too! I really need to get my athsma checked, I’ve been so short of breath and using my puffer several times a day — not good and I wonder if this is contributing to the exhaustion. If the body ain’t getting air — how can it function!?

The SCWLC (Soul Cysters Weight Loss Challenge) has been so great to help keep me going! It’s already a month in, and to be honest, I really wasn’t sure that I’d lose anything (judging by the past 3 years) but  I hope these little losses continue and make a big difference.

I’ve nearly finished organising a girls trip to the USA in October — I think I missed my calling as a travel agent — but as I’ve told the girls, I wouldn’t spend 100s of hours researching a trip for just anyone!! I REALLY want to be well on my way to my goal weight — all the other girls (4 of them) are so stunning, and I don’t want to do with the holiday pics what I have done with the last 3 lots — nothing, because I hate the way I look. I can barely bring myself to post on facebook or send to friends as I’m horrified everytime I look at them. I always go ‘do I REALLY look like THAT?’ I hate that feeling 😦 😦

Ok, well nearly 1300 words is surely enough, it’s late, and I have an earlier morning than usual. 4.30am on the second day of winter is just CRUEL! Lucky it’s warmer where I live now compared to where I grew up!

I’ve got breaky with my old Curves gym buddies in the morning — I always enjoy the catch up (we are all larger ladies who have always struggled with our weight) and I can’t wait to share my happy weight loss news with them!

Ciao for now bella’s!!!

MWAAAAHHHHH!!

Hopefully I’ll be back before another 6 weeks has passed. 🙂

life can quickly turn around…

How quickly life can turn around! I just re-read my last post, and as I stated in the last sentence, “KNOWING PCOS, at least the upside is that I’ll probably feel differently tomorrow! Let’s hope that I’m right!” I WAS right.

Life got much better, the very next day!! I was offered a temporary promotion with another department, doing what I do best which is running a design area! OK, so I’m a staff of 1 (or as my husband says it’s actually 3 — as it’s me, myself and I, depending on my day or my mood!) It took a few days to get it over the line, but I did it, and it’s done wonders for my self esteem. I am fortunate that I LOVE what I do for a living. Like all career choices and jobs, it has it’s good days and it’s bad, but at the end of the day, I still enjoy the actual work, office politics and asshole bosses and or clients, (or both!) all put aside. I started my new job today, and what I’m really looking forward to the most is a holiday from my own office politics and red-tape bullshit that I put up with day in, day out. I’ll put up with someone elses for a change 🙂

This new role is for 4-6 weeks, and depending on the EOI, and if I apply, I could end up with a 6-month contract out of it. The girl I am back-filling has no intention of ever returning, so it even has the potential to be permanent (years down the track!).

It ended up being a good week… my back/neck got better, so I wasn’t in as much pain and I got back to the gym. Although sometimes the actual workout is HARD, the exercise endorphins are awesome!! I also managed to go to the gym BOTH days of the weekend, and I worked HAAAARD!! I will also end up going almost every day this week too. Nice work!

It was also our 3rd Wedding anniversary yesterday! I didn’t think it was possible, but I am happier now than what I was on my wedding day. My amazing husband never ceases to amaze me with his support and the amount of my crap he puts up with. Sometimes I don’t like living or being with me, so who knows how he does it!! We went to a REALLY ritzy 5* restaurant, owned by a famous Chef here. We had a 7-course degustation menu… SOOOO not a diet night!!! BUT OMG, the food was so amazing!!! I also had the wines that went with each course, and was barely even tipsy! It’s nice to do once a year (especially the price!!!). I think it’s a nice acknowledgment of the year that has passed and the year to come. It has been a really tough year for us in so  many ways, but as I pointed out to my hubby, our relationship has stood the ‘tests’ of the past year, and we grow stronger every day. We really are the best team. I never thought that I would meet someone that really is my soul mate and my better half. Now I’ll stop before I get all soppy… coz I really could talk about him, how amazing he is and how much I love him for hours!

On a PCOS note, my cycle actually showed up at 28 days!!! WOW!!! It normally goes between 27-42 days, but for the past year has been about 30-34 days. A whole 2 days early… I’m hoping it’s from the exercise — not sure it’s the diet this month due to my emotional eating a few weeks ago!!

I’m really looking forward to the Soul Cyster Weight Loss Challenge that starts 2nd May. I’m looking forward to the support network of other women who actually understand how effing HARD it is to lose weight… they know, because they have the same issues I do 😦

Before all that hard work though is a much anticipated holiday with (previously mentioned amazing) hubby! We are off to Vanuatu for 7 days of doing NOTHING… well as little as possible in a country that beautiful!! See, I told you I was spoiled!!!

Anyway, enough of a rant from me, but I’m doing much better with in my head this week.

progress is slow, but progress is still progress

Quick update…

I saw the Dietitian last week and had lost 0.9kg. It feels like a lot more to be honest, as my clothes are a bit looser! I was still on the 3rd say of my cycle, which is going to add a good 2 kilos, and I’ve been working out like a crazy woman at the gym. She thinks I may have been converting my fat to muscle, which is still progress. All in all she was quite happy with me 😉

This most recent ‘cycle’ actually showed up on time, and although painful, was not as strong in pain or volume as usual. I did have to take a day off work, but that was also due to fatigue as well (from pcos affecting my cycle I think). I only took 1 day off from the gym, where as last time I was out for nearly a week.

I’ve been better within my self this week. I had a really big let down at work the week before last, which happened quite late on a Friday, and was worried all weekend that it was going to spiral into a bout of depression. I went straight to the gym and worked off most of my anger which worked really well, and at least I turned my anger into something that was actually beneficial for me, not detrimental — like emotional eating or drinking.

My Dietitian is off for about a month, so will have to be diligent on my own… we will have to wait and see!!

On non-related PCOS stuff…
My wonderful hubby has booked a holiday for us to Vanuatu in just over a month, and I can’t wait to just do nothing with the man of my dreams.
We had the most awesome news today that my mother-in-law (who lives with us) has been given 3 months clear for her cancer. Her battle is hard and long and it takes it’s toll on all of us in different ways. She is so brave, and there is nothing like living with someone who has terminal cancer to put your own life and troubles into perspective (we are just trying to slow it down at this stage).

Gotta go a rescue my celebratory roast from the oven!! (It’s her favourite!)

til next time… adios amigos!