sometimes life throws you a curveball.

I was doing so great with my food and exercise, and I’ve been feeling REALLY good. That doesn’t sound like much but it’s a HUGE deal to me. I don’t feel great… MOST of the time 😦 It sux, I don’t like it. Full stop. So when I am actually feeling great, I try and ride it for as long as I can, by making it stretch out. My new job has really helped with my stress levels and I realised (touch wood) that I haven’t had a neck or back ‘episode’ since I started there over 2 months ago. That’s got to be almost a record I think!

Then something had to go and happen and now I feel like crap.

My father-in-law passed away yesterday. He had a stroke just before Easter, and was mostly paralysed down his right side. He was put into rehab and doing quite well. He lived on a property that was quite remote, and the road access wasn’t very good. We were all in the process of starting to pack up his belongings and sort everything out when the docs said that his prostate cancer that when checked 2 years ago ‘was moving so slowly it wasn’t worth worrying about’. They did a procedure that was supposed to slow it down even further and it appears that didn’t work as they announced a few weeks ago that he was literally riddled with it. We were told that they would not treat the cancer as a) it was everywhere and b) his quality of life was already impeded, so they didn’t think that he would survive the treatment. After he had the stroke, he had been transferred to Toowoomba Hospital about 2 hours from where we live, so he wasn’t just around the corner! Early this week they told us that he had pneumonia and was being moved into intensive care. They rang us Wednesday morning to say that he was refusing treatment and just wanted to slip away. My husband arranged to have the rest of the week off, and he and some of his siblings (he has 8!!) were going to go up on Thursday and stay until he passed. We were pretty sure he didn’t have a will or anything so 2 of hubby’s brothers who were power-of-attorney went up immediately We got the phone call to say he had passed away just after midnight. I was so devastated for my hubby & his siblings as they didn’t get to say goodbye. He apparently came to visit all of them as they all dreamt of him and or woke up about 1am and thought of him (quite eerie!) I wasn’t close with him at all, we didn’t really get along. So much so he wasn’t invited to our wedding. My hubby hadn’t been close with him for many years, infact most of his siblings weren’t either. my hubby is shit-scared that he won’t be a good father because he had no positive influence as a father or male influence when he was growing up.  That aside, I am quite upset for my husband and mother-in-law. She lives with us, and although they have been divorced 20 years or so, after being a devout Catholic family and having 9 children together, it has obviously hit her hard too. It’s quite hard for her as she has been fighting cancer for 16 years (see other posts) and we never thought he would go before her. I am grateful that in the end he didn’t suffer very long, and I know that he is with his God now and in a better place and not in pain or frustrated anymore.

R.I.P. Pat

This isn’t really a PCOS blog entry but I felt I needed to get this out somewhere. Anyway, better get back to the making of arrangements. Am also making hubby & MILaw a roast dinner tonight. Ultimate in spoiling and comfort food. I can’t do much, but I can feed and hug them.

sometimes, life is just harder than usual…

It’s true, sometimes life IS just harder than at other times. The past 2 weeks have just been so up and down and I’m really ready for life to return to normal!

This blog entry is not going to be about PCOS — there has been too much else going on for me to even think about that, and so of course, what happens when I take my eye off the ball!? My diet just goes by the wayside. Also, as I promised I’m being honest here, I’ve also done a bit (fair amount) of emotional eating this past fortnight.

It might be good for me to get some of the stuff happening down on ‘paper’, as I think it helps me get it out of my system Some if it’s good, some of it’s great, some of it not so great. So here goes — in chronological order:

1. My dad came to visit from VIC for a week. I love my dad so much, we are quite close and we have a proper father/daughter relationship. He is interested in my life and loves me, but does not interfere in ways he shouldn’t, and is supportive when needed (especially when  my mother is being her usual selfish-demanding-manipulative-uber-bitch self. He of all people understands my pain when it comes to her!)

2. My mother-in-law got 3 months clearance from the Oncologist!! She lives with my husband and I and has a heart of gold (although some days she does test my patience levels!). She has been fighting cancer for 16+ years and is currently on her 5th battle, we almost lost her several times last year and it was very scary!! She has 9 (yes, NINE) kids, my husband is the middle child — and my first hand view of her current battle is both terrifying and inspiring at the same time.

3. My hubby got his CPA! After 5 years of blood, sweat and tears my hubby finally received his formal qualification. I’m so proud of him and all his achievements!!  I think he’s the best thing in this world — not that I’m biased at all!!

4. My brother’s best friend Casey lost his battle with bowel cancer on that Thursday night at 11.02pm. My sister-in-law rang me not half an hour after he slipped away to ‘Riders on the Storm’. He was only 32. I hadn’t seen him for about 2 years as I live interstate, but he, 2 other friends and my brother were the best of mates — more than mates — brothers. The smoked their pot/weed together for years, but when it came time for my brother to battle his addiction, Casey was so supportive of him. We were told of his diagnosis in early February — less than 2 months later, he was gone. My little bro told me on Tuesday that Casey sent home from the hospital ‘to be with family and friends as there was nothing more they could do’. We did not think it would only be 48 hours later we were saying goodbye. I was fast asleep when she rang me, and it has really shaken me, I went back to bed and just cried and cried while holding on tight to my hubby. I wasn’t especially close with him personally — I was probably closer to the other 2 ‘brothers’ more than him, but I cried for days and am still finding it really hard to deal with. He had been with his partner Dani for nearly 15 years — almost half his life. I had tried so many times to get close to Dani — we were the only 2 girls in the groups before my husband’s wife came along — but to no avail. They had arranged for them to get married on the Friday — he died nearly 12 hours to the minute too short. She, my brother and the other ‘brothers’ are all of course devastated. I feel quite helpless from 2000kms away 😦 It has really made me think about life in general…  R.I.P mate — you were such a gem in this world.

5. Last weekend I was helping my hubby carry in a couch for the bar downstairs and my neck went out! OUCH! I have had a chronic neck problem since I was 8 and had an accident where I was severely concussed and my whiplash neck went undetected until I was 15. When my neck goes out I am literally unable to move my head and the muscles spasm all the way up my neck, down my back and my shoulder seizes up. I have a wonderful chiro, but it still takes at least 48 hours to get any relief. I hadn’t had an episode for months — I was doing SO well!!! This one however made up for the gained time. I was in excrutiating pain for about 5 days. No drugs would help the pain — even the ones that knocked me out! I’d just wake up in more pain as I hadn’t moved while asleep. I am on the mend now, but had to take days off work and being in pain is exhausting!!!

6. Freelance clients who don’t give a shit… I have a new freelance client (I am a graphic designer) and for my first job from them they wanted a logo and look and feel for an event. They only gave me 5 days — even though they know that I have a full time job! I asked for an extension due to my neck pain (the client also suffers from chronic back pain, so I thought they would be understanding) and was told — oh just send through what you have done — no pressure No pressure indeed! So while on my sick day in horrible pain, I had to spend 4 hours at the computer over 2 days to get these concepts done. Thanks guys, most appreciated — BTW, I have already added an extra half-hour to my bill as thanks for your consideration!

7. Applying for my own job… I know that sounds strange, but I’ve been acting in my Public Servant position for over 3 years — and it is about to come up for permancy. It sounds simple, but there are many other people that will be going for the job too. We were put in for training to ‘job application and interviews) last week. This whole issue is really stressing me out — as I know that I will be so disappointed if I don’t get it. More on this soon, I’m sure!

8. The most stressful of all is now over — my mother-in-law’s 70th birthday party. We weren’t sure last year that she was actually going to make it to her 70th — it was the one milestone she really wanted to reach. We finally talked her into having a party — but she was just going to have lunch at a club. We offered to have a BBQ here for her, which would have been so much more personal and fun. We finally talked her into it which was great — but as she lives with us and has nothing to do during the day, she just THINKS and FRETS — ALL THE TIME!! The questions (many repeated several times) were endless for the past 4 weeks and nearly drove my husband and I batty!! It hasn’t helped with the stress and emotional rollercoaster that I’ve been on for the past 2 weeks BUT it was totally worth the effort and craziness! She had a fabulous time — it didn’t rain and no-one starved (of which she was scared!). I also got a friend to come out and get some family pics — they look amazing! It’s so hard to get a family that big together at one place, at one time. We still missed out on 2 grandkids who were working, but 28 out of 30 isn’t bad!! (I’m the last one sitting on the bench on the right hand side — apparently I didn’t get the memo on wearing red!)

HUBBY's FAMILY 2011

All in all it has been a crazy couple of weeks, and as per my earlier comment, I’d be quite happy for life to get back to normal now!! I have learned a lot and still have some philosophical stuff to figure out in my head too.

Phew! Well, I think that’s the longest blog I have written 🙂 Lucky almost no-one reads it, but I do feel better for taking it out of my head and putting it on ‘paper’.

Now to get ready for the work week ahead!! Back on the diet for sure — and hopefully will be back to doing at least minimal exercise — back on the long road of getting my body back to working again 😦